YOU DON'T WANNA DO IT LIKE THAT...

The Slug can exclusively reveal that UL coach Billy Mason may have to re-think his entire weight training program after paying a visit to the TwRC gym last week.

Billy, in the presence of Eel Pie Rowing Supplies owner - Simon Goodey, was trying out the the new make of bench pull, recently purchased by Captain Rossco, when in burst Twickenham's ex-WImps coach Henry Rogers.

True to form, Henry saw what was going on and, not realising who he was talking to , demanded that Mr Mason cease what he was doing instantly - his reason? - that Billy risked doing himself an injury because his technique was "all wrong". Needless to to say the ex-women's national squad coach gave Henry some 'helpful' instructions back...

THE GOOD SAMARITAN

Picture this...

It's a cold Tuesday Morning about 7am and there is movement on the Tideway (yes some odd people do actually train at this sort of hour). A petite woman sculler is paddling along in her little pink sculling boat... but no, surely it can't be.... she's heading straight for the much feared "Black Buoy" -which one could say is more of a floating "Black House".

The tension rises - has she bitten off more than she can chew???

Alas, the poor girl stands no chance, unavoidably, she comes a cropper, blades all over the place, little pink sculling boat being swept away by the cruel stream... but wait all is not lost, there in the distance, her knights in Navy and White. Along come two or three London RC crews, charging gallantly to the rescue you might think.... fool!!

  • The first LRC crew was going too fast to see her and passed on by ...

  • The second LRC crew saw the sculler but passed on the other side of the stream, muttering "if god had meant women to row they wouldn't have breasts"

  • The third LRC crew saw the poor girl and tried to run her over - as it gave them the benefit of the stream and they knew they'd never make it into the second boat for the HORR if they stopped to help...

    Eventually the poor little waif, crying helplessly, was rescued by Imperial College - they might be rude, but at least they do have a heart - By then she was almost under Putney Bridge and staring the Isle of Sheppie in the eyes.

    What is the world coming to?

    • YOU ONLY SCULL ONCE...

    In the latest installment of "the strange and slightly disturbing world of Thames rowing club" it appears that one sad and "Loopy" member of Thames RC decided to see the New Year in from the seat of her single scull. She was seen boating just before midnight by amused revellers on the balconies of Thames and Vesta Rowing Clubs. The new year passed with much cheering and the revellers went back inside to party, completely forgetting about the lone sculler.

    After some time (and who can really say what some drunken Vesta member's perception of time might be?), someone noticed that she evidently had not returned from her New Year sculling outing. With a sense of drunken panic rising, it was decided to call the police and inform them that she had gone missing.

    The well-oiled machine that is the emergency services then kicked into action. Using hard earned tax-payers money, the police proceeded to mount a full scale James Bond style rescue operation, allegedly involving two police launches, frogmen (one of whom surprised the bar-staff at Thames) and a helicopter or two (well anyone might report seeing two helicopters if they'd drunk that amount and were in the state of inebriation that the concerned watchers were all in).

    Unfortunately it was all in vain... because in the meantime the illusive sculler had returned her boat to its rack and decided to go home as she was "feeling a bit tired".

    'nuf said really...

    TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS

    The Slug was disturbed to hear of needless trauma inflicted on the athletes attending the squad trials in Peterborough on Saturday. It appears that due to one Mr Tony Reynolds ( the bow man of the Cambridge boat that sank) the supposed 5K time trial was actully nearer to 7K...

    Tony (being a bear of little brain) assumed that the end was before the bridge and therfore the start was 2K further up than it should have been. Alas, no rower was going to dispute the start marshall, so instead they all had a rather longer than expected trial...

    After the trials one of the few oarsmen to realise what had gone on was quoted as saying "you can quote me as long as it has the words C*NT and TONY REYNOLDS in the same sentence."

    Having discussed the situation with Tony, the Slug was dismayed to hear him say
    "there are at least one hundred elite rowers who want me dead... ha ha ha ha ha ha".

    When we asked him how long it had taken for him to realise what was going on he replied " I only noticed the problem when I looked at their scores and thought 'what shit times'..."

    uh uhm

    BRASS MONKEYS

    Last Saturday saw the final Lensbury RC party before the cruel axe falls and they are gone for ever...

    As a final gesture to mark this sad occasion a Lensbury tribute naked eight and naked double went out, not letting the sub-arctic conditions deter them from an activity normally reserved for warmer months.

    The eight had "Chopper" Latham (one of the IC defectors to Scullers...ED) at three showing off his manly shoulders. Sadly the girls at bow and two failed to get into the true spirt of the thing and didn't take their bras off - that or were we just to drunk to see. It also appears that Ian Watson is really a natural "ging-er", that or the light from the orange streetlamps was playing cruel tricks...

    Amazingly enough, the eight managed a round of the boats without crashing but all boys were noticibly smaller on return. We don't know if the double made it back, but suspect that it could be on the Isle of Sheppie by now?

    Send us a postcard boys?

    WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT..!

    The slug was lucky enough to attend the Upper Thames dinner last week and listen to what must be one of the most boring speeches ever to fall upon the ears of rowers. The culprit was a certain atlantic challenge competitor who described his 63 day ordeal in what felt like real time. After annoucing after an hour "...and that was day 27" the snoring was becoming audible and the suicide rate was only reduced due to some added entertainment from Leander member, Mr Matt McQuillan who attended the dinner dressed as Geri Spice resplendant in ginger wig and home made union jack dress (which just about covered his 'black briefs').

    For some reason unknown to the slug, a small shell shaped soap which looked "remarkably like a belgian chocolate" made its way from out of a christmas cracker and onto the little pile of cream on Mr McQuillan's pudding. All waited with baited breath and watched as Matt then ate his dessert carefully leaving the cream until the end when he ate it all in one large mouthful....

    Shortly afterwards an ashen faced Mr McQuillan was seen bolting for the men's room.

    Tragic...