RECORD BREAKERS...

Further to our recent discussion of trashing antics, the Slug was interested to hear the credentials of Poplar RC's own 'Torpedo' Toby. (Now, before any female readers get too excited, it has to be stressed that, unlike Merv "big-boy" Knight, this moniker relates only to his rapidly growing list of water-related accidents....)

For over the last year Torpedo Toby appears to have been going for the record of crashing every single boat-type available. To date he has managed:

  • scull (his own - easily recognised by the variety of repair marks upon it);
  • double (details remain obscure, but the Slug is assured it has occurred);
  • pair (twice - the last example being a parting of fin from hull) and
  • coxless IV (the boat used last year for Henley qualifiers).
    • Not being a cox could, of course, prove problematic for Toby, if he wants to destroy the full set within a year... however, it has to be noted that July 29th will see an evening of club racing at Poplar, with scratch crews and coxes drawn at random... His time, therefore, may still come!

    Theories that Poplar is involved in an obscure insurance write-off scam have yet to be proven - and in the meantime Simms the boatbuilder seems to be benefiting the most from the Torpedo's exploits.

    If you know someone who has already trashed a full set of boat types, please let us know, so we can inform Toby just what he has to aim for...

    INVINCIBLE

    It is, of course, probably fortunate that Toby is currently housing his scull over at the Royal Docks. As, earlier this week, rowers from Poplar Blackwall were somewhat surprised to find the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible moored slap in the middle of their finishing straight (always a hazard of rowing on the lower reaches of the Thames).

    The 20,000 tonne Invincible arrived off Greenwich on a one-week courtesy visit to London, fresh from an eight-month refit. Due to her length, Invincible was swung by three tugs in the entrance to the West India Docks and then towed stern first to Greenwich, a distance of about one mile.

    The Slug is still scratching its feelers over the following questions:

    1. How can turning up with a 20,000 tonne warship ever be described as courteous? And what would a slightly unfriendly visit feel like?

    2. Why is it so important to have towed the aircraft carrier stern first to Greenwich? Are they planning a quick getaway for some particular reason (e.g. having used the Dome as a quick bit of target practice)?

    3. Will Toby try to add a 20,000 tonne aircraft carrier to his 'hit' list?
    Scarey thought...

    LAND AHOY!

    Following on from our article "a trash too far", The slug was equally impressed to hear of a top trashing performance by some 'elite' members of another tideway club, who, it seems, were attempting to liberate the pupils of St.Paul's school for the holidays.

    For some reason, the duo in question, decided that the best route of approach was straight up the landing ramp at the front of St Pauls... "Cunning?" I hear you cry...

    er, No.

    For they had failed to use enough slime and hence GROUND to a halt as their little blue and white boatie quickly became a blue, white and honeycomb coloured boatie.. losing its cherry in the process.

    So now there is just one 'matched' pair. And as for the joint morals of the story:

  • If you don't think you can steer -Don't......
  • And, If your coach says "No, you can't use it", Don't.

    • KICK THE BUCKET

    The slug has been asked to highlight the truely amazing winning record of the gentleman commonly known as ...Toilet, no Bucket, no Rapist....err, one Roy "I can't back down" Davies.

    Winner of a further two gongs at Henley Vets while keeping a superb 40 (as in his age) a day habit alive and well, so impressive is The Bucket that he now has twenty-two year old ex Shiplake boys just gagging to pair with him at Molesey.

    Watch out Stanhope, Roy is on the warpath no.....the towpath.

    A TRASH TOO FAR

    The slug has received a nomination for the most destructive rower on the Tideway.

    For it would appear that the talented Mr Tim Waite has managed to write off yet another boat belonging to LRC.

    You may recall that Mr Waite was involved in the incredible folding boat saga over a year ago, when he and one Mr D Bristow thought they might squeeze a pair through the gap between the safety boat and pier of Hammersmith Bridge.

    The slug is pleased to report that on Saturday Mr Waite holed the bows of a double on a post on the opposite bank from Harrods Wharf - though quite what he was doing THAT far over is a source of endless speculation.

    Truly talented…

    BLACK BUOY AHOY

    Vesta's delightful captain, Mr Paul Baldwin had a close call on Saturday morning when he (one can only suppose) temporarily forgot where he was, while approaching Putney and breached the obstacle commonly known as the black buoy, famous for its stealth properties of being almost invisible when viewed from a boat, while being one of the few man made objects visible from space.

    Needless to say he fell into the drink as a result of the intense shock of his close encounter, but was retrieved successfully by Mr Cranna (super coach to the Vesta men's development squad).

    WHAT A CORC-ER!

    The slug was pleased to get such a positive response to our article on the naked antics of the CORC (City of Oxford) men's squad, commonly known as the Purple Helmet Display Team, however, rumour has it that the boys got more than they bargained for at Ironbridge regatta...

    One of the guys, understandibly, wanted to capture his losing moment for rowing posterity, so he gave his video camera to one of the CORC chicks and instructed her to film his race.

    Meanwhile, the girlies decided to capture a few moments of 'extra' footage themselves - detailing just what they get up to while the boys are away, which the slug has been informed, included an rather enlightening shower scene...

    Apparently copies are now changing hands for a considerable amount of money.

    LITTLE BO PEEP...

    It would appear that at least a couple of members of Black Sheep RC went astray at Henley Royal regatta this year.

    By all accounts, the sorry saga began in the Rowbarge on the Thursday evening, with the oarsome Black Sheep trying to out sing some Americans. Alas, despite the suspect quality of their opposition, the yanks went home with their tounges between their teeth..

    As the night came to a close, one little lost sheep (alleged to be one PC Mark Plodd ) failed to find his way home, but managed instead to bleet his way into a young welsh ewe's tent...

    Lamb chops what frisky frolicking went on but the slughas it on good authority that there was a repeat performance on Friday night...