Are you short of reading matter – aren’t we all?
We all wish we had a read that could enthral
Should it have a glossy cover?
Should it fill you with despair?
Should the ads crowd out the writing that is there?
So here it is, here’s Regatta
Having teeth drilled is more fun
Whip me with holly leaves
I’d rather read the Sun
Do you have a morbid fear when it arrives?
Does it feel like asking for a bunch of fives?
Do you worry what you’ll find there, does it still come as a blow,
To see yet another piece about “Go-Row”?
So here it is, here’s Regatta
Handy size and format too,
It’s not coincidence
We read it in the loo
Insomniacs just leap
When they see that paper sleeping aid arrive
Ah ah..
When the magazine arrives here please don’t call
It would be more fun to cough up a fur ball
I could douse myself in petrol
And then stand close to a flame
And then ask a firing squad to take their aim
So here it is here’s Regatta
Special issues are so great -
Royal Regatta one
Arrived here two weeks late
So here it is, here’s Regatta
Is there anything to like?
Last time I felt like this
Was sitting on a spike
So here it is, here’s Regatta
Like a pamphlet in disguise
Think I’ll go to my room
And poke things in my eyes
So here it is, here’s Regatta
Faithful friend all through the years
Let’s get Mike Tyson round
To chew off both my ears
